Love is a FourLetter Word
by Grayhart
Summary: Lily and James have always hated each other, and their last year at Hogwarts is shaping up to be a war of wills....Quidditch, duelling, and of course, some fluff... LilyJames & some implied SiriusOC. T for language. Funny. Please R&R!
1. Train and a Baked Potato

**Love is a Four-Letter Word**

**Disclaimer: **The usual. Not mine at all, none of it nope no way no siree Bob. (Except Lily's friends & a couple of others.) I only wish.

**Please R&R!!**

**Chapter One**

**Train and a Baked Potato**

I staggered onto the platform clutching my purse in one hand, owl cage in the other, and forcing the trolley, overburdened as always, ahead of me. Stacked on top of the usual mess was a baked potato, dripping cheese and half-fat sour cream all over my trunk, as well as a smattering across my front. Very attractive.

The hustle and bustle of people coming and going and popping in and out was overwhelming. Overwhelming yes, but gratifying. My last year at Hogwarts - I couldn't wait to see Abby and Trish, and of course, Lydia. I couldn't believe how much I'd missed them, pent up in my parents' house all summer with that barmy little whiner Petunia. Sister, yes. Friend, no. Not even chums, pals, buddies. _Hah! Sisters? _Barely. Just a blood relation. Everyone we've ever met says the same thing, "It's hard to find two sisters as different from one another!" Thank Merlin for that!

Licking a smudge of cheese from my wrist and checking on the precarious tower of my school things, I continued on towards the train. The instant I stepped out into the bright lights of the platform, I was tackled by three screaming girls.

"Oh, my, Gawd, Abby! Your hair looks _great!_"

"Muggle salon, mum took me - Trish! Oh my God, I _so _need to talk to you_…."  
_"Here Lils, I got you some of that Shineazy's from the Potionette salon-"

"Oh, it comes in grapefruit? Mine's coconut… Not as nice…"

"Thanks Lyd!"

"Baked potato?? For _moi_?"

"My breakfast."

"Share??"  
"Okay!"

Feeling the familiar crush of their care, I surrendered and sliced the potato in two. Trish downed her half in one bite._ So _like her. Lydia pushed a bottle of something into my hand. Shineazy's by Sleakeazy, guaranteed an 18-hour healthy, natural shine that's guaranteed not to fade! Looking at my flat, drab hair as we somewhat floated towards the train, bags carried along as well, I felt totally and completely… well, _okay. _This was where I belonged, here, with my friends. With people who accepted and acknowledged and especially _shared _what Petunia referred to as my "instability." Tuney didn't even know what she was missing.

We finally made it to the compartment, me squeezed between Gloria, my owl, and Abby, who was rifling through her trunk for something.

"I just _have _to show you… You'll love them, they're hilarious!" More rifling.

Suddenly, a cool female voice interrupted my consumption of the baked potato, now slightly cold.

"Prefects of fifth, sixth, and seventh years, as well as Head Boy and Head Girl, are reminded to make their way to the Prefect's Carriage _immediately."_

I nearly choked on a particularly large piece of chive garnish. "W-what?" I sputtered.

"Prefects. Prefects Compartment." Trish repeated from across. She had a small, amused smile settled on her fine features. "Not like you to forget, Lily! You're such a one for rules!"

"Well, at least I'm not Head Girl or anything. I'd be burned if I was late!"

"You _will _be burned if you don't get out there, you red-headed arse! Move!" Lydia shoved my backside as I teetered out of the door, still clutching my potato. Remus Lupin was waiting for me in the hall, a little smile playing across his lips.

"Forget, Lily? I was just coming to collect you." he said, quickly leading the way to the front of the train.

"No, I didn't… I didn't forget. What do you take me for, Remus?" I retorted, wiping the corner of my mouth with a finger. Sour cream likes to stick there.

Remus sighed, still smiling. Then, his grin turned wicked. "I don't know what James would say, Lily. You've always been such a little Prefect. It's part of the appeal, I think."

"Well, you don't need to advocate for him!" I snapped, staring into my baked potato with an undeserved fury. I could almost see it shrink back in fear. "Potter's the one who walks around with his head up his a-"

"Now, now, Miss Evans," Remus cautioned, putting on his half-mocking Prefect face. "Don't say anything you might live to regret."

"Oh, yes. I tremble in fear whenever James Potter is mentioned!" I responded tartly. I did _not _want to talk about Potter. He just an insufferable toerag, end of story. But Remus persisted.

"This is his last year to win you over." I swear I saw Remus smirk as he said this, and Remus is not the smirking type. I took another bite of potato. "He'll be sorry to hear it's off to such a bad start."  
"Look, Rem, he is the _last _thing I want to think about while I'm eating," I responded. "My pity is mingled with acute disgust."  
Remus' lips quirked in a smile. "That's the nicest thing I believe you've ever said of him."

I opened my mouth to let out some of my rage when the door to the Prefect's Compartment slid open. Professors MacGonagall, Slughorn, Sprout, and Flitwick were seated inside.

"Good of you to show up, Miss Evans, Mr Lupin." MacGonagall said, the tone betraying the words. Professor Slughorn, however, gave me a cheerful wave. I waved halfheartedly back. He looked like a walrus stuffed into wizard's robes. Sprout and Flitwick merely watched as I sheepishly dropped into my seat. Lupin slid silently into the seat beside mine, a comforting hand placed on my upper arm. It was a touch that said "everything'll be okay, just live it out." I wished I could be as sure as he seemed to be. Brushing a few strands of dark red hair from my eyes, I lifted my gaze to the Head of my House, Gryffindor.

"Now that the Gryffindor Prefects have condescended to _sit," _she announced, special emphasis on the word 'sit.' My face burned a little redder. "I have a couple of announcements. As we all may be aware, the Head Boy for this year is Adrian Pucey of Hufflepuff." Polite applause. Professor Sprout's wide face beemed joyfully. It was a grand day for Hufflepuff, it seemed. "Head Girl is Rebecca Stuart of Slytherin." Polite applause for Rebecca as well, although it was considerably quieter. I clapped twice and then lowered my hands, while Remus only made the appearance of clapping; his hands never touched one another. Professor Slughorn, however, beamed even brighter than Sprout had - apparently this was one of his favourites. Not that I paid much attention to who was at the Slug Club dinners with me. I always sat with Nicholas Waffling, a Gryffindor who was going into sixth year. He was the nephew of Adalbert Waffling, some magical theoretician. I was still trying to figure out how I even got into the Slug Club in the first place when the applause died off. Mac Gonagall's curt voice continued. "I shall now call roll, to see if anyone may be missing." I looked back down at my hands. "Starting with seventh years, then sixth, then fifth. Angleton, Rhonda? Boyle, Franklin? Evans, Lily? Gordon, Christoff? Kai-Feng, Lao? Lupin, Remus? Moncton, Liza? Stephens, Kerry?" We all responded with a polite raise of the hand. Once I heard my name, I stopped attempting to focus… I was drifting off a little, staring into the flames, those hypnotic, waving flames…

"_Miss Evans, are you capable of staying awake for ten minutes, or must I send you to the hospice car?!" _MacGonagall snapped. I shook awake with a jolt, face reddening by the second. _Oh Merlin, oh no!_

"The _instant _we arrive at the school I will be docking points from Gryffindor! I don't believe my House has _ever been_ in the negative numbers before the start of term!"

Still looking at my hands, I didn't even attempt an excuse. "I'm sorry, ma'am." I muttered. Mentally, berating myself, I left the carriage as fast as possible, followed by the crush of the other Prefects. Remus' face, once he caught up to me, was a bright, bright red. One hand was clapped over his mouth. I narrowed my eyes dangerously. "You've really outdone yourself, Lily!" he gasped. I folded my arms over my chest. Unfortunately, he didn't realize that I was in a dangerous mood. "What…HAH…What would've happened if you h-hadn't woken up?"

I pressed my lips together, my eyebrows contracted, and I snapped. "One morning, _Remus Lupin,_ you **won't **wake up!"

Leaving a sputtering, redfaced Remus in my wake I ploughed through the sea of people. Just as I was approaching my compartment, somebody stepped out of the loo, right into the hall. Untidy black hair was sticking up all over the back of his head. I should have recognized him --- if I had, I would have turned tail and ran in the opposite direction. I saw, as he turned around, that he was the _last _person I ever wanted to see.

"Hey, Evans. In a rush?"

It was Potter.

"Yeah, get out of my way!" I snapped.

"Hey, calm down, Evans, I haven't even said anything yet!" He threw up his hands and looked down on me. He'd grown maybe four inches since the last time I'd seen him. _Infuriating imbecile._

"You've said _quite _enough, Potter. Get out of the way!" I cried. All I wanted was to get back to my car… Sleep off the embarrassment that was my life. But he refused to move.

"What is it Potter? Don't you understand a simple request? Get _out _of the way!"

He was still smiling that infuriating half-smile. Suddenly, he stepped back a pace. Letting his eyes sweep up my body shamelessly, he merely responded, "Alright, alright, don't get your knickers in a twist."

My jaw dropped open. He was still giving me the one over. Rage welled up inside, but I spoke with icy calm, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" turned on my heel, and stormed away.

----------------------

"I don't know, Prongs!" Sirius exclaimed. He was sitting across from me and Remus, with his long legs stretched out, feet propped on the window. "I've been counselling you about the same girl for, what? Seven years?"

"About that, yeah," Remus responded, not taking his eyes off of his book. Some Defence Against the Dark Arts rubbish, about as heavy as Remus was himself.

"If she doesn't like you, well…" Sirius trailed off. But he was smiling. The prick. I sighed.

"But she's not just _some girl_, Padfoot, she's…" I shook my head. "Different. I know it."

Sirius rolled his eyes. Remus, face still buried in his book, just smiled slightly. Peter, squished in between Sirius and the compartment door, was nervously searching his pocket for something.

"Just… forget about it, okay? Forget I _ever _said anything."

I could swear I heard Remus mutter something like, "Finally."

Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't obsessed with her. She was just incredibly beautiful, incredibly funny, incredibly nice, incredibly…_incredible. _I just pissed her off. _Not _my fault. But for some reason, she thought I was, like, _Voldemort _or something. You'd think I'd murdered her family. She avoided me like the plague. Not that I could blame her, I mean, sometimes I'd get this self-loathing complex. Not fun, but again, _not _my fault. My friends, however, were really starting to get tired of my odd affection for one (1) Lily Evans.

"So…" I said unsteadily, "So… Yeah, um… What kind of song d'you think the Hat'll come up with this year."

"Terrible stab at a conversation, Prongs. Dreadful. But I imagine it'll be the same - that one-two-three-two rhyme scheme it always has." Remus shrugged.

"Life must suck as a hat," Sirius commented.

"Insight on life from the brilliant Padfoot," Remus muttered, still smiling.

"Very observant," I added.

Peter didn't say anything, as per the usual. Only laughed at Sirius and I. "No, shut it, I mean _really_. It must suck. I'd rather be… I dunno. Maybe the train?"

"James would be Lily's knickers." Remus said placidly. His voice was so flat, face so expressionless, that for a moment Sirius and I just looked at him in confusion. Then, Sirius started howling with laughter.

"NOT FUNNY!" I roared. "SHUT IT! AND YOU TOO, WORMTAIL!"

Sirius fell to the floor of the compartment, quaking with laughter.

"MOONY, ONE MORE CRACK LIKE THAT AND I'LL STRANGLE YOU!" I bellowed, fuming. "IT'S NO LAUGHING MATTER!"

"So… so you ad- hic -mit it??" Sirius stuttered, tears of glee spilling from his eyes. I folded my arms over my chest.

"_Not _funny." I growled. The irritability I felt was overwhelming. I tried to tune them out, but I knew my face was heating up. I wasn't even breathing.

_See how she leans her cheek upon her hand? I would I were a glove, that I might touch that cheek._

Some Muggle literature I had found in my parents' attic crept into my head. But it was not the same thing. Something in my gut told me I would rather be her glove than her knickers, no matter what stupid Moony had to say.

----------------------

Lily was in the compartment, squished between Hooper, her owl, and Trish, who was going on about some new hand cream that promised full dexterity and neater writing. She was fuming. _Insufferable, wretched nitwit. They're probably laughing in their compartment about some innocent girl's knickers as we speak. _I had the feeling that this thought was very right. I almost thought I heard some boy or other bellowing "NOT FUNNY!", but at what I did not care to imagine. Probably something terrible. Probably something very boy-like.

"It's just amazing," Lydia was saying, "I went from a B to a C _overnight…" _But I wasn't really listening. Putting two fingers into the cage to stroke Hooper's midnight black feathers, I tucked a strand of dark red hair into the messy bun on the back of my head. Hooper was warm and reassuring as always. She nibbled the side of my index finger affectionately before scratching her belly with her yellow-black beak, intelligent, golden eyes sparkling cheerily. She was, in essence, my one connection with the wizarding world during the summer. Trish was now talking about some hair-growth serum her cousin Chelsea had used.

I wasn't even trying to pay attention, but the sound of my friends' cheerful, excited voices was reassuring. I was where I belonged, Potter the Pervert or no, and _nobody _was going to take my last year at Hogwarts away from me.


	2. A Song Of Sorts

**Chapter Two**

**A Song (Of Sorts)**

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING! cry cry (Oh yeah, I do own Lily's friends!)**

**NOTE: I wrote the Hat's song! Be proud of me!!! It's not as good as J. K.'s but it'll pass, I guess! Please Review!! (Oh, yeah, thanks to those that did! Thank you so much MissMonkey19, you're a dear!!)**

_Patched and frayed and filthy too,_

_A punctured rim at that!_

_But please, fear not, don't shy away-_

_For I'm a Sorting Hat!_

_I see your face, and know your mind_

_The time is right, you know,_

_When I will peek into your heart_

_And pick where you shall go!_

_What House? you think, will be your home_

_For the next seven years?_

_I'll answer that and so much more,_

_Just listen up, my dears!_

_To Gryffindor's where you might go,_

_Courageous, strong, and true._

_Or fair and loyal Hufflepuff_

_Might be the place for you!  
To Ravenclaw where scholars dwell_

_And judge on what you know-_

_Or Slytherin, where sly and wily_

_Serpent-thinkers go._

_Come put me on and you'll find out!_

_I promise, I won't bite!_

_Don't be afraid, the answer's here-_

_The Sorting starts TONIGHT!_

"I told you it would be the same," Remus muttered to me, as the Sorting Hat finished it's song. I shrugged.

"Hey, guess what, Moony?" I grinned. One of his eyebrows raised. "I'm Quidditch Captain!"

"That's great, Prongs!" he exclaimed, (albeit quietly --- the Sorting was underway.)

"That's _not _going to make Lily like you any more." Sirius grunted, louder than he should have. "If anything, she'll hate you more because of it!"

I rolled my eyes. "This isn't about Evans. It's about _Quidditch. _You know, the sport?? On the broomsticks?" Sirius just smiled at me. "I'm not completely obsessed with her, you know! I think about other things!" I stated, somewhat angrily. Sirius' look was a challenge. "Oh, alright, I'll list a few. Playing Quidditch. Charms homework. Food." I ticked them off one by one on my fingers. "The holidays. Foo---"

"Alright, James!! Alright!" he acknowledged, his hands up in the air. "Yes, your mind is a many-splendid thing!"

"Isn't that 'many-splendoured?'" Remus laughed.

Peter sniffled. "He got you good, Padfoot!"

Shaking my head, I watched as a frightened-looking Kiera Sommers joined our table, closely followed by Edwin Vance. Neither of them were the Quidditch build I was looking for --- I'd have to try out a whole new team that year. Most of the old players had left in my sixth. I needed two Beaters, a Keeper, and two Chasers; the Chaser I had was a fifth year named Gordon Wright. He was okay, I guess, but not the talent I was looking for. Certainly not Captain material.

"Hey," I whispered, leaning over towards Sirius. "Try out for Quidditch, alright? I need someone who can actually fly."

He snickered. "No can do, Prongs. Unlike you, I have an active social life. You're just a brooms-for-brains!" he laughed. He must have found that funnier than I did --- he sniggered on and on until I jabbed him in the ribs with my elbow.

"Ooof!" he exclaimed. Crossing his arms, he sat there looking mutinous. He'd come around. He always did.

-----------------

After the sorting, I sped from the Great Hall as fast as was humanly possible. I sped up the stairs. I sped through the corridors. Then, once I realized that I'd forgotten the first years, I sped right back.

When I got to the Entrance Hall, Remus was calling for order among the mass of bodies in black, a group of nervous looking children clustered around. He was bellowing "LILY! LILY!" at the top of his voice. "LILY, GET BACK HERE! _LILY!"_

"REMUS, REMUS! STOP SHOUTING!" I screamed back. When he turned around, he gave a startled jump. "I'M RIGHT HERE!" I shouted into his face.

"Alright, alright!" he cried. "No need to shout!!"

Smiling slightly, I looked past him and into the staring, pale faces of the firsties. "Okay, kidlets! Line up, under the arm, GO GO GO!"

I flung one arm out to the side and watched as they struggled to form a line.

"Have any of you snoogers ever even _seen _a line before? It _doesn't _look like this!" Sirius growled. A couple of kids jumped back. One, with wide blue eyes and blonde hair in pigtails tripped over her own robes. Stepping forward to help her up, I narrowed my eyes at dear Mr. Black. He waved back cheerily.

"Up the stairs!" Remus cried at the firsties. Then, he added to Sirius in an undertone, "Calm down, Padfoot. They don't need to be scared of you yet. They haven't even met you."

Sirius rolled his eyes.

I narrowed my mouth to match my eyes. "If any of them urinates on the floor," I muttered, right in his face, "_You're _cleaning it up. _Not _me, _not _Remus, _not _Filch. _YOU."_

He put one of his large, square hands on my shoulder. Even this small gesture brought looks from other girls. What he said to me, however, was "And _you'll _be found sitting in it. _Not _me, _not_ Remus,_ not_ Filch._ YOU._"

I snorted. "Don't worry," Remus comforted me. "He wouldn't push you in it. He'd just pour it on you while you were sleeping."

"Such a sweetheart," I growled. _Let him try, _I thought. _I'd love to see him try to get into the girls' dormitory._

"But now," Remus continued, "We can't worry about our Resident Juvenile, we have firsties to guide."

"Some of these firsties are more mature than Sirius." I grumbled. But it was true. It was my duty as a Prefect.

---------------

Once Remus and I had gotten all of the first years into the common room, we did the little pep-talk. Then, we sent them off to their proper dormitories. After which we had to run down into the dungeons to collect a firstie named Harriet Plinker, who'd followed the Slytherin Prefects and then promptly gotten lost. Once we'd finally gotten her settled in for the night, (she almost made Sirius' puddle when confronted by an angry-looking Slughorn,) I threw myself onto my chair by the fire. It was faded blue and brocade; my personal favourite since first year.

Trish, Abby, and Lydia each occupied a chair as well. We sort of just stared into the flames, dancing as they were with red and orange light. I broke the silence, offering a quiet thought to the space before us.

"It's our last year."

We all pondered that for a moment.

"It's taken you _this _long to work that out?!" somebody spluttered, right beside my head.

I nearly jumped out of my skin. Whipping my head around, I found myself looking into a pair of…_ugh._

Infuriating, sniggering hazel eyes.

"James Potter! Just like you to ruin a quiet moment!" I snapped.

James shrugged. "Sorry Evans," he muttered. "But it's not really ruining --- it's invigorating. All of you, staring at the fire. Almost as if you could see Sirius' _head _in there or something!"

Lydia, Abby, and Trish laughed at that. _Traitors. _

"I'm not quite sure I share your taste, Potter." I replied, folding my arms across my chest and looking at the ceiling.

"Look, it was a joke, Evans. A _joke." _He made the last two words very slow. "Not that Miss Prefect has ever_ heard _of a joke before, but still."

_More _laughter. You'd think they were on Happy Gas or something.

"Hey, who put a Cheering Charm on you three, huh?" I rebounded, looking at them angrily. _What's gotten into them? _I looked at James, who was laughing as well. He was looking at me somewhat hopefully, I noticed. _Sorry to dash your dreams, Potter, but not today. You're gonna have to be a lot funnier than that!_ One more glance at the nearly delirious trio opposite, and I made up my mind. "Look, I'm going to bed. When you three are done giggling like twits, you can join me. And _you," _I rounded on James. "Can go. To. Hell."

"Hey, Evans, wait! It was j-"

I turned and stomped up the stairs. When I reached the door, I hurtled in and flung myself onto my bed.

--------------------

"Great job, James," Sirius laughed, voice tinted with amused sarcasm.

I sighed. "Yes, yes, James gets a pat on the back. This must be a record; I've _already _pissed her off."

The shower shut off. A second later, Remus walked into the room, towelling off his hair. "I hear you're a very efficient knicker-twister, Prongs." he laughed.

I grumbled something noncommittal. Looking back, I swear I saw _something _in her eyes, especially when she whirled around like that. Her hair was so shiny in the firelight. But it could have been a mind trick, or a shadow. I did, however, prefer to think it was not.

"Night," we all grunted in unison. (Except for Wormtail; his grunt was more a 'squeak.')

Looking up at the dark ceiling, I realized that Padfoot was probably right. In our year alone, there were three pretty girls who all liked me more than Lily. So _why _did I obsess over her?

_Time for a change, James, _I grumbled. _Time to turn over a new leaf. Just… Forget her. Forget her. _

Minutes passed.

More minutes passed.

A half hour passed.

An hour passed.

Two.

_Okay, now, this is stupid! JUST FORGET LILY EVANS! If you can't, try for friends. Being friends with Lily is better than being Lily's worst nightmare come true. Friends is good. More than good, friends is great._

With the image of Lily Evans and I as friends firmly implanted in my head, I fell asleep.

_Finally!_


End file.
